Hello! 

Welcome to another issue of Appreciation in Action. Happy New Year! I know it may seem odd for me to be wishing you a happy new year here in mid-March, but this is the first issue of my e-zine in 2007. My delay in sending out my first e-zine of this year was not due to any lack of thoughts to share, it was mostly due to the fact that after the sudden death of my friend and mentor Richard Carlson in December, and the subsequent article, blog posts, and emails I wrote about him, most of what I thought to write seemed trivial. I continue to miss Richard each day, think about him and all he taught me, and to be grateful for his incredible life. And, there is so much I have to say, share and learn; time for me to get back on the horse. I appreciate your understanding and compassion with me as I move through this process. I hope you, your family, and those around you are appreciating yourselves, each other, and the gift of life!

With Appreciation,

The Power of Forgiveness

I come from a long line of grudge holders. As much as I would like to deny it, I am an expert at holding grudges myself. I can get my feelings easily hurt, have high expectations for others, and have a tendency to be hyper-critical and judgmental. If someone crosses me, upsets me, or does something I consider “out of line,” I am quick to make them wrong and hold it against them.

At a deep level, I know that this doesn’t work and that holding things against others not only makes it difficult to have healthy, loving relationships with them, it also damages me. As the quote in the box above reminds us, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” It’s crazy.

Why do we do this? There are a number of reasons why we hold grudges. Mostly it has to do with our negative ego and our pride. More deeply, many of us are not comfortable confronting our emotions, dealing with other people in a real and honest way, or acknowledging some of the “shadow” parts of our personality. In other words, it’s actually easier for us to hold a grudge than for us to work things out and forgive people. We also get a lot of mileage out of being right and in some weird way it makes us feel better about ourselves.

However, all of us have experienced the incredible power of forgiveness in our lives. When we’ve had the courage to be honest, vulnerable, and compassionate, we’ve all let go of a grudge or had someone let go of one with us. In this letting go process, we can find freedom, connection, and gratitude. While it may not always be easy, forgiveness is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. Forgiveness is essential for healthy relationships, thriving teams, loving families, and, most importantly, self love. The person we often need to forgive first is ourselves.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean acceptance, agreement, or even affinity. In other words, you don’t have to agree with or even like the person you are forgiving. You might continue to deplore what was done and choose not to be in relationship with the person, even after you forgive them. However, the goal of forgiveness is to let go of the resentment that is binding us to that person or their action in a negative way. The grudge keeps this negative energy in place and makes it virtually impossible for us to have any real relationship or connection with them. Forgiveness can remove this wall and release the negativity. And, as we all have experienced, once we forgive someone there is a space created that makes something totally new become possible.

Appreciation is one of the best forgiveness practices we can use. Without agreeing, condoning, or even liking the person or what they did (if we choose not to), we can look for what we appreciate about them or what took place. Even in the most severe situations, there is almost always something we can appreciate. If nothing else, most of these situations teach us a lot about ourselves, others, and life.

When we have the courage to tell the truth to ourselves and are willing to engage in an honest dialogue with others, we have the ability to move beyond our grudges and resentments. Utilizing the power of forgiveness is one of the most important things we can do to create peace, freedom, and fulfillment in our relationships and our lives. Plus, life is way too short and precious for us to waste our time and energy holding grudges.

Make a list of three or more people you currently resent or are holding a grudge against. Ask yourself if you are ready and willing to let go of these resentments. If so, take some time to think about each person and situation. Focus on what you appreciate about each of these people or situations; what have you learned from them? Then, choose to forgive them. Remember that forgiveness is ultimately for you and takes place within your own mind and heart. You can talk to them about it and let them know you forgive them, or not…it is up to you. The key to forgiveness is choice and intention. Continue to remind yourself of this choice to forgive and let the other people around you know about it, especially anyone who you have a tendency to gossip with about these people or situations. Lastly, forgive yourself for both allowing this situation to manifest in your life and also for holding onto it for as long as you have. We must forgive ourselves first, last, and always.

Visit the Richard Carlson memorial website:
Richard’s wife Kris has created a beautiful website to honor Richard. There are some poignant writings on this site from Kris, Richard’s girls, and many of us who love him. The site is a wonderful place to remember and celebrate Richard's phenomenal life and is also a place where you can send condolences to his family. And, if you did not know much about Richard and his remarkable work, this site will give you some great information and insight.
www.richardcarlson.com

The Secret:
By now most of you have probably heard about, watched, or read The Secret. The Secret is a DVD and a book that teaches the principles of the Law of Attraction in a powerful way. I mentioned it in a number of e-zine issues last year, and wanted to mention it again. Teachers from this movie and book have been featured on Oprah, Larry King Live, and many other shows in the past month, and The Secret was on the cover of Newsweek a few weeks ago. It has become a phenomenon. More than that, it is incredibly valuable and is something that you can use to manifest what you want in your life…check it out!
www.thesecret.tv

Calling for Gratitude:
There is an extraordinary project going on that I want to let you know about and see if you want to participate in…it is called “Calling for Gratitude.” Speaker Justin Boudreau started this project a month or so ago. His goal is to get 1,000,000 messages of gratitude in 100 days. On the website listed below is a phone number (800-501-5029) for people to call and leave a message of what or who they are grateful for. You can send an email out to your friends and family letting them know about the site, the phone number, and the project. The goal is to get as many people as possible to call in and leave a message of gratitude. As we all know, gratitude is incredibly powerful and with so many of us focusing our attention and energy on what we are grateful for, we can make a real difference in the world. Check it out:
www.callingforgratitude.com

Two Great Books to check out:
There are two wonderful books I want to recommend to you today. The first one relates to the topic of this e-zine, forgiveness. It is called Forgive for Good, by Dr. Fred Luskin. This book came out a few years ago and it is one of the best books you can find about the power of forgiveness. Dr. Luskin is a Ph.D. from Stanford who has studied the psychological and physiological benefits of forgiveness. The book is amazing and you will love it. The second one is Wisdom of the Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman. This is another book in the Peaceful Warrior series that just came out. Dan’s classic book, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, came out over 25 years ago and is one of my all time favorites. As you may know, that book was made into a movie which came out last summer. This new Peaceful Warrior book is great and I highly recommend it. You can find both of these books at most bookstores and online at Amazon.com:
www.amazon.com

About Mike Robbins
Mike Robbins is an expert in success, teamwork, and the power of appreciation.  As a former professional baseball player and Internet advertising sales executive, as well as a life-long student of personal development, Mike brings a varied and impressive background to the clients with whom he works.  Through his keynotes, seminars, writing, and one-on-one coaching, Mike empowers individuals, teams, and organizations to be more productive, appreciative, and successful.  He is the author of the popular audio program, The Power of Appreciation, and the forthcoming book, Focus on the Good Stuff (Jossey-Bass/Wiley, 2007).  Feel free to contact Mike for more information about his speaking and coaching programs, as well as his products.

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"Remember to let go of your grudges; life is too short and beautiful to hang onto resentments.”

– Samantha Benoit Robbins (with us at her first birthday on February 11th)

For more photos of Samantha click here!