Mike Robbins' Appreciation in Action

Welcome to another issue of Appreciation in Action. I hope things are wonderful for you and your family. As we head into the holiday season, there is so much to appreciate – family, cozy time at home, celebrations, and reflections on the year that is coming to an end in a few months. Enjoy this beautiful time of year. I am grateful to be able to connect with you this way each month. Thanks for being on my email list!

When you hear the word “conflict,” what thoughts or feelings do you immediately have? If you’re like me and most people I know and work with, this word conjures up thoughts of arguments, fights, violence, and even war, along with feelings of stress, fear, anger, defensiveness, and more. However, if we take a moment to think and feel on a deeper level, there are lots of positive aspects of conflict as well. When conflict is effectively dealt with and resolved, creative ideas are generated, new opportunities open up, and deeper connections are made. Think about all of the positive benefits that have come out of some of the biggest conflicts you’ve ever had.

The problem, therefore, isn’t with conflict itself; it’s our resistance to it and fear of it that makes it difficult. As the revolutionary 19^th century psychologist and author Carl Jung said, “What we resist, persists.” The more we fear and avoid conflicts, the worse they become.

What if we appreciated conflict? Remember, as I talked about in last month’s article about failure, appreciating something doesn’t necessarily mean liking it or enjoying it. Appreciation is about recognizing the value of something. Since there are clearly many valuable aspects of dealing with and resolving conflict, we could relate to it in a totally different and much more positive way.

Patrick Lencioni writes brilliantly about the importance of conflict in his best-selling book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. Lencioni believes that avoidance of conflict is actually a serious “dysfunction” that many individuals and teams suffer from. He says, “All great relationships, the ones that last over time, require productive conflict in order to grow. This is true in marriage, parenthood, friendship, and business.”

Our challenge is to stop avoiding and fearing conflict so much, and to start appreciating it more – even if it scares us. The reality is that from now until the day we die, we will have many, many conflicts with people – both personally and professionally. We can spend our time avoiding these conflicts, worrying about them, and/or trying to figure out the best way to “cope” with them when they arise. Or, we can appreciate them and know that conflict is an important part of life and an essential aspect to all healthy relationships. Appreciating conflict is one of the best ways for us to build trust, connection, and partnership with others. When we approach conflict from a perspective of appreciation, we give ourselves a sense of peace, perspective, and confidence that not only makes it easier to deal with and resolve the actual conflict, but also allows us to operate with a true sense of power and courage in our lives and our relationships.

Make a list of some of the biggest conflicts in your life right now. What can you appreciate about each of these conflicts? What are you learning – about yourself, others, and/or life? What feedback are you getting? How has this conflict enhanced your life or relationship? What will the benefit be to you and the other people involved when you get this conflict resolved? If you look for it, you’ll be able to find many things to appreciate about your conflicts. Appreciating these conflicts will give you a different perspective on them and will probably allow you to address them in a more effective way.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication:
This organization was founded by and is based upon the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. Dr. Rosenberg created the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process over 30 years ago and he has been training people around the world since then. The Center for Nonviolent Communication is a global organization helping people connect compassionately with themselves and one another through Nonviolent Communication. The NVC work is incredible and this organization does amazing and essential work around the globe. There are NVC trainers and workshops in cities throughout the US and all over the world. To learn more about this incredible work, this amazing organization, and/or to find NVC events in your local area, check out the website below:
http://www.cnvc.org

Great Organizations:
In addition to the Center for Nonviolent Communication, there are so many wonderful organizations doing incredible work for individuals, communities, and more all over this country and throughout the world. There are a handful of organizations that I am involved with and/or aware of that I have highlighted on my website. For information about all of these organizations, feel free to visit the organizations page of the resources section of my website:
http://www.mike-robbins.com/organizations.htm

Check out my New BLOG:
Last month I launched my new blog. I’m really excited about it and I would love for you to check it out. This blog is a way for me to share even more ideas about appreciation, gratitude, teamwork, communication, personal development, and more. Each week I update my blog with a new post. Click on the link below to check it out:
http://blog.mike-robbins.com

About Mike Robbins
Mike Robbins is an expert in success, teamwork, and the power of appreciation. As a former professional baseball player and Internet advertising sales executive, as well as a life-long student of personal development, Mike brings a varied and impressive background to the clients with whom he works. Through his keynotes, seminars, writing, and one-on-one coaching, Mike empowers individuals, teams, and organizations to be more productive, appreciative, and successful. He is the author of the popular audio program, The Power of Appreciation, and the forthcoming book, Focus on the Good Stuff (Jossey-Bass/Wiley, 2007). Feel free to contact Mike for more information about his speaking and coaching programs, as well as his products.

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“I'm a happy girl - no conflict here. However, when I get older, I will make sure to address my conflicts in a direct and loving way, even if I'm scared.”