This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 17th, 2009 at 7:05 am and is filed under Appreciation, General, Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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This week’s article definitely falls into the category of “we teach best what we most need to learn.” For much of my life, and especially recently, I have struggled to accept certain things about myself, others, and life that I don’t like. Being someone who is committed to change and transformation, the idea of “acceptance” has always seemed weak, wimpy, or like the admission of failure or powerlessness to me – although I have pretended to understand and believe in the power of acceptance for a long time.
The truth is, I have been scared to embrace acceptance – worrying that if I truly accept aspects of myself that I don’t like, things about others that bother me, or circumstances in my life and in the world that aren’t okay with me, then somehow I wouldn’t be motivated to change them in a positive way or, even worse, I would get resigned about them and they would always stay the way they are – which, of course, to me would be “bad” or “wrong.”
The famous quote by Carl Jung, which I have quoted in both of my books and find myself saying all the time comes to mind here, “What you resist, persists.” It seems that I, and so many people I know, work with, and talk to, are constantly “resisting” (more like fighting against) the way things are in our lives. Whether it’s with our body, our work, our spouse, our family members, our friends, our co-workers, our money, the state of the world and economy (especially these days), or many other things – we’re often arguing with reality instead of accepting it the way that it is.
Even though it can be scary and counter intuitive, acceptance is the first step in transformation. It’s very difficult and quite stressful (as I know from a lifetime of experience) to try to change things from a place of non-acceptance. Acceptance is not resignation or agreement; it is simply telling the truth and allowing things to be as they are. When we accept ourselves, others, and life the way it is – we can create a real sense of peace and let go of much of our suffering. And, from this place of peace and truth, we’re more able to not only appreciate life, but also to manifest the kind of circumstances, relationships, and outcomes we truly want.
Action: What You Can Do
Make a list (in your mind, in your journal, or on a piece of paper) of some of the things in your life right now that are causing you the most stress, pain, or anxiety. These things may have to do with people in your life, your work, money, health, things happening in the world, or anything else.
As you think about or write these things down, ask yourself if you’re willing to “accept” them as they are right now. You don’t have to like, agree with, or want them to be this way…but, if you can start to accept these things, people, and situations in a genuine way – your ability to be at peace with them (and your life) and ultimately to change them in a positive way will be enhanced significantly.
What can you do to accept things as they are in your life right now?
Share your thoughts on my blog here
February 18th, 2009 at 7:16 am
Mike
I so enjoy the way your thoughtful writing always stretches my thinking. The dichotomy between “accepting” and being a change agent is something I have not seen written about. Kudos.
Let me up the ante. I would recommend that people not just “accept” but that they “embrace” what they don’t like. Truly embrace!
On my Prospering in Tough Times blog I have been encouraging people to embrace the tough times…while remaining equally focused on doing what it takes to prosper.
Knowing your commitment to walking your talk, this post tells me tough times ought to watch out…change agent Mike is about to accept them…or maybe even go that next step and embrace them.
Love your writing and all it does for me, and others.
Dave
February 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Your newsletter came to be with very good timing. I am still holding on to some form of bond with my ex because he has been one of the only nurturing people in my life that i’ve felt i could truly open up to. We met at probably the lowest point in my life, when i was suffering depression and anxiety and a lot of childhood trauma came out. And i have worked through so much with him that it feels almost impossible to leave him completely behind. I feel indebted to him for his kindness - and also scared to be without that safety net.
But, what i must accept is that i need to let go. I must accept that we are not in a healthy place to be friends - and he may be someone i need to leave behind in my life for good. This is so hard to even say - but i know i will have to accept it. I know i need to accept that i have an extremely hard time letting go of people because I lost my mother when i was so young. I am overwhelmed with the task of trying to deal with all these emotions - but your letter did help me to feel some sense of calm. Thank you.
February 18th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Mike, Thank you for this article on acceptance. It comes quite timely as my latest intention is to get rid of my resistance to accept things as they are. I always appreciate receiving your newsletter. I picture you enjoying your family (wife and daughters) and enjoy when you add photos of them. Big hug and blessings. Martha
February 18th, 2009 at 8:03 am
I have already typed my comments in a previous message. Thank you.
February 18th, 2009 at 8:22 am
Mike-
How funny is this–
Almost didn’t read your email because I was RESISTING the message.
“Acceptance schmlmptance!” I thought.
Too funny.
Right message. Right time.
Thanks!
I appreciate you!
Daryn.
February 18th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Perfect message, Mike - I’ve been resisting a case of bronchitis all week - time to bless it and accept it and let my body handle the process of healing.
Thank you so much for the nudge…
Many blessings,
Brenda
February 18th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Hi Mike!
It was so interesting to see this message this morning. I was actually thinking about acceptance last night. I have been frustrated with the actions of some of my friends lately as they are very difficult to make plans with. I started to take it personally and get a little upset. Then last night I thought, I am just going to accept them as they are and know that they are just busy and this is not a reflection on me. It made me feel a lot better once I accepted it. Your message today made that even clearer. Thanks for your help!
Jessica
February 18th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Mike–
Great message and very timely. I especially like that you share your own resistance to acceptance and the reasoning behind it. This is something I need to learn and now I can bring it into conscious effort.
Your girls are darling. Kudos to you and your wife for good parenting.
Best,
-jan
February 18th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Hi, Mike:
I really enjoyed your comments on “accepting things (reality) as it is.” I book entertainment and several of my corporate clients have canceled events,due to the economy. Rather than be in a “funk,” I need to accept reality as it is, be content with reality as it is, be optomistic, adapt, and be ready to move, when times change.
February 18th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
What I need to accept right now is that the course of chemo I just completed did it’s job - the two tumors have been shrunk and seem to be gone. Next step is meet with surgeon and schedule surgery to take clear margins and visually view the field. The prayer is that the pathology under the microscope will show no cancer cells!
February 20th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Wow. Thank you for this wonderful and applicable message. I’m guessing you’re giving lots & lots of people a pathway to peace. I’m excited to forward this to my 20 year old daughter. Thank you again!
February 21st, 2009 at 5:49 pm
How timely! I’ve just had to accept that the birthday party for my 2-year old granddaughter has to be postponed again this year because she and her big sister and mom are all sick. The same thing happened last year. Accepting that kids get sick and plans have to be changed is one of those facts of life that gets thrown at you time and time again. So it really does make sense to just surrender instead of being upset.
March 7th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
For people who are interesting in learning more about this topic, an excellent book is “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
[…] What can you do to accept things as they are in your life right now? Share your thoughts on my blog here […]