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A friend of mine called me out on something important last week. He said, “Mike, this ’story’ you have about things being ‘hard’ for you isn’t really true. It seems to me that things come pretty easy, you just make them hard by saying they are. What if you started saying and owning that certain things come easy to you?”
As I heard him say this, I had a mixture of emotions and reactions. First of all, I felt grateful (I love having people in my life who are willing to call me out, even if my ego gets a little bent out of shape in the process). Second of all, I felt defensive and noticed that I wanted to justify myself against his challenge. Third of all, I felt a sense of fear and resistance to the idea of things coming “easy” to me.
As I’ve thought about it more over this past week ,I realize that this resistance to having things be easy runs deep within me (as it does for so many people I know and work with). Here are some of the main “reasons” I’ve used and beliefs I’ve held for many years to resist the notion of things being easy for me:
- Easy means lazy
- If things come easy to me, other people will get jealous, won’t like me, and/or won’t respect me
- It doesn’t really “count” or mean much if it comes easy
- It’s not fair for things to come easy to me - especially with so many people having such a hard time these days
- I actually get off on struggling and suffering - I’m quite familiar with it and I’ve used it as motivation to change and “succeed” for much of my life
- My ability to work hard, overcome adversity, and rise above challenges are all things my ego uses to feel superior to others
- If I admit that something is easy for me, it will seem arrogant and then people will root for me to fail
Can you relate to any of these?
Getting in touch with some of these reasons and beliefs has been both painful and liberating at the same time. As I think, talk, and write about them - I realize how ridiculous some of them are and how much of my life’s energy I’ve been giving to them in the process.
It’s almost like I’m walking around worried that someone’s going to say me, “Mike, you have it so easy,” and I’m preparing my defensive responses, “Oh yeah, well let me tell you how hard I work, how challenging things are for me, and how much stuff I’ve had to overcome along the way.” What’s up with this? It’s like I’m preparing for a fight that doesn’t even exist. Do you ever do that?
While working hard, overcoming challenges and adversity, and being passionately committed to important and complex things in our lives aren’t inherently bad - resisting ease and being attached to struggle causes me and so many of us a great deal of stress, worry, and pain. And, in many cases this difficulty is totally self-induced and unnecessary.
What if we allowed things to be easier? What if we started to speak about and own the aspects of our lives that are actually easy to us and stated to expect things to get even easier? Easy doesn’t mean lazy, that we aren’t willing to work in a passionate way, or that we expect a “free ride” - it means that we’re willing to have things work out, trust that all is well, and allow life to flow in a positive and elegant way for us.
Our desire and ability to embrace ease in our life isn’t selfish, arrogant, or unrealistic - it’s profoundly optimistic (in an authentic way) and can actually enhance our ability to impact others. The more energy and attention we place on surviving, getting by, or even “striving” for success - the less available we are to give, serve, and make a difference for other people. Although it may seem counter-intuitive to us, having things be easy is one of the best ways we can show up for those around us - both by our example and with our freed up positive energy.
As Richard Bach famously stated, “Argue for your limitations and they’re yours.” What if we stopped arguing on behalf of how “hard” things are, and started to allow our life to be filled with peace and ease? While the idea of things being easy may not be, ironically, the easiest thing for you to embrace - I challenge you (as I challenge myself) to take this on in your life and become more comfortable with it…maybe it could actually be easier than you think!
How do you feel about things being easy? How can you make things easier in your life and work in a conscious and positive way? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.
September 1st, 2010 at 6:11 am
Amazing, amazing article, Mike!
Yes, it’s easy when things are hard…wow, that didn’t make any sense :)) Well, you know what I mean. When things are hard, the reward seems more deserved, while when things are easy, it’s well…too easy. But we get frustrated when things are hard, when we work hard, when we try to be at our best. So…what’s the deal?
I’ve always told myself that life is easy, we just like to make it more complicated. I’ve always told myself that, but never really “hear” it, you know?
Yes, the majority of the things in our life are easy, and those which aren’t…maybe we are looking at them from the wrong perspective. In the end a thing is what you want it to be, right?
Thank you Mike!
September 1st, 2010 at 8:18 am
What an incredible insight! I loved this and it really hit me as one of the things I simply wont acknowledge! Some things have always come easy for me and I have always been afraid to “say so”. Actually, not even realizing it until RIGHT NOW. Thanks, Mike!
September 1st, 2010 at 8:18 am
Oh, how this resonated….some things do come easy to me… places to live, jobs (even though at this point these are at a survival level..) BUT it comes easy, and I am always surprised and delighted and appreciative and blown away by what shows up, BUT it is something that makes me feel …. hesitant to admit and completely own. Thank you for this article, I am going to save it and focus on embracing the ease that I can live my life by. As Julia Rogers Hamrick says ” I live in Easy World !” Thank you Mike and blessings and ease to all
September 1st, 2010 at 8:49 am
Hello, I was immediately interested in this topic. Not everything resonated… it’s Okay for me when life is easy. I have one specific belief: the fee I ask the client, if the work is easy for me. After building years of experience some work, that I love to do can be easy or seems to be easy as I work in flow. I find it difficult to ask a fee that is common in the market. Have to work on this, because it’s all about the value I deliver and not about how difficult or how easy it is… My head knows and it is still an issue.
September 1st, 2010 at 9:04 am
Toast , What an interesting security word to put in the box.
I don’t think I struggle with and overcome things to feel superior to others Mike. Maybe some people do I guess I have seen that. I like working. I like feeling my body and mind sweat and struggle until I feel I cannot go any further and then I do. Then its like passing through an invisible limit that I had and a kind of zone clicks in and I have stretched myself into a new and greater strength. I had a job installing windmill power and we dug long trenches into hillsides for wireing and I was down in the earth with a pick and a shovel and it was aweful and hard until it suddenly was unbearable and then you pushed on and then a breaking through and then it was awesome. My blood coursing through my veins - the smell of the earth - the wind - the sounds - the sweat on my face. Truly alive is the feeling and it’s mine and I’m not compairing myself to anyone I’m just laughing and joyous then.
Work is hard yes , who said it should be easy? I think the judgement is what screws us up, and we suffer over. When I get past that a kind of power kicks in, and I feel strength. It’s very real.
I think if one is operating inside of comparison then one is not fully engaged and has not found a way to truly challenge themself.
September 1st, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Thank you for the profound insight. “Easy is lazy” strikes at the heart of a key cultural norm. Hard work is valued – as is being busy – in part because it is viewed as more productive. But it isn’t true, as you point out, and it can cause us to miss out on joy and creativity and a sense of authentic contribution when we insist on doing it the hard way. Easy really is a sign that we’re in alignment – that we’re in our sweet spot of strengths – which is a delightful place to be.
September 1st, 2010 at 6:56 pm
Mike, are you by any chance living inside my head? Your articles always resonate with me. I’ve recently been contemplating how much energy (and opportunity) I waste by justifying how much EFFORT I put into over-achieving as a means of adding value … or hiding the fact that it WAS easy out of guilt or fear about being undervalued or regarded as a bit insensitive to the struggles and conflicts of others (I assure you I do have my own challenges). Of course, the first person who doesn’t value what comes easy is ME, isn’t it? I can see how this has been undermining my business growth (I can relate to Martine when it comes to charging clients for what I enjoy doing). At the same time, I feel it’s healthy to find a balance by facing new challenges and stretching ourselves … perhaps with a sense of Awe toward new and different experiences of ourselves and the world. I also resonate to Laura’s comment about “Easy” being a sign that we’re in a delightful place of alignment. Mike, I love your articles and your honesty in expressing what goes on inside your head. Thank you.
September 2nd, 2010 at 6:53 am
Mike,
I can definitely relate with this. I have a few limiting beliefs indoctrinated by my parents who preached that to deserve good things meant to work hard for them. This, unfortunately, has left me thinking that any gifts or rewards that I receive that weren’t preceded by “hard work” are undeserving and I should be ashamed about accepting them. But good things have always come easy to me: school, work, friends, even money, and for a long time I felt like I was cheating the system some how… that either my luck was going to run out or someone would figure out that I was getting more than my share.
September 2nd, 2010 at 10:29 am
I don’t find that things come easy. But, I also never expect them to. I guess if I really thought about it, I would find that some things come easy. But, the big important life things definitely have not. I’ve had to work hard for everything. And, even then, I think luck plays a role.
This is where I find comparisons to actually be helpful. When I dwell on things not being easy or coming easily, I quickly consider how many people in the world are living below the poverty level and the daily struggles they endure.
In that scenario, life seems pretty easy.
September 2nd, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Thanks. I’ve often struggled with feelings of guilt over how easy my life seemed… I felt: “why should things be so good for me when everyone else is struggling. I should be struggling too.” It’s reassuring to know that things feeling easy for me is in part a state of mind that I’ve created - and you’re right, when things feel easy, I’ve got more to give others. Ali,
Breathe, Nourish, Be.
justbewellness.com