This week’s article definitely falls into the category of “we teach best what we most need to learn.”  For much of my life, and especially recently, I have struggled to accept certain things about myself, others, and life that I don’t like.  Being someone who is committed to change and transformation, the idea of “acceptance” has always seemed weak, wimpy, or like the admission of failure or powerlessness to me – although I have pretended to understand and believe in the power of acceptance for a long time.

The truth is, I have been scared to embrace acceptance – worrying that if I truly accept aspects of myself that I don’t like, things about others that bother me, or circumstances in my life and in the world that aren’t okay with me, then somehow I wouldn’t be motivated to change them in a positive way or, even worse, I would get resigned about them and they would always stay the way they are – which, of course, to me would be “bad” or “wrong.”

The famous quote by Carl Jung, which I have quoted in both of my books and find myself saying all the time comes to mind here, “What you resist, persists.”  It seems that I, and so many people I know, work with, and talk to, are constantly “resisting” (more like fighting against) the way things are in our lives.  Whether it’s with our body, our work, our spouse, our family members, our friends, our co-workers, our money, the state of the world and economy (especially these days), or many other things – we’re often arguing with reality instead of accepting it the way that it is.

Even though it can be scary and counter intuitive, acceptance is the first step in transformation.  It’s very difficult and quite stressful (as I know from a lifetime of experience) to try to change things from a place of non-acceptance.  Acceptance is not resignation or agreement; it is simply telling the truth and allowing things to be as they are.  When we accept ourselves, others, and life the way it is – we can create a real sense of peace and let go of much of our suffering.  And, from this place of peace and truth, we’re more able to not only appreciate life, but also to manifest the kind of circumstances, relationships, and outcomes we truly want.

Action:  What You Can Do

Make a list (in your mind, in your journal, or on a piece of paper) of some of the things in your life right now that are causing you the most stress, pain, or anxiety.  These things may have to do with people in your life, your work, money, health, things happening in the world, or anything else.

As you think about or write these things down, ask yourself if you’re willing to “accept” them as they are right now.  You don’t have to like, agree with, or want them to be this way…but, if you can start to accept these things, people, and situations in a genuine way – your ability to be at peace with them (and your life) and ultimately to change them in a positive way will be enhanced significantly.

What can you do to accept things as they are in your life right now?

Share your thoughts on my blog here

With Valentine’s Day upon us – many people are stressed out, annoyed, or even depressed.  This “holiday,” which I actually to enjoy even though it was made up by the greeting card companies or something like that, is funny in that it tends to cause a lot of anxiety.  For those of us in love relationships – there is both pressure and expectation, which are often not met or dealt with in an effective way.  And, for people who are not currently in romantic relationships, it can be a sad, depressing, or even embarrassing time of year.

While I understand and have compassion for all of these feelings, and others, associated with Valentine’s Day, I do think it is time for many of us to get real, speak our truth, and grow up about the whole thing – regardless of our circumstance or situation.

For those people who are looking for a new relationship (whether you are optimistic about it or not), my friend and bestselling author Lisa Daily has just written a great new book called How to Date Like a Grown-Up: Everything You Need to Know to Get Out There, Get Lucky, or Even Get Married in Your 40s, 50s and Beyond.

This fun and informative book offers realistic, counterintuitive advice that will help you finally find the relationship you deserve, including: where and how to meet better men, 5 easy tips to chat up any stranger, what you may be doing to make yourself a magnet for losers, little-known secrets to dramatically improve your dating odds, and the one simple thing you can do in the bedroom to make a man speed up his marriage proposal.  (It’s not what you think!)

Lisa is funny, honest, and wise – you will enjoy this book!  And, when you purchase copies of How to Date Like a Grown-Up today (2/13/09) at Amazon.com (where it’s currently bargain-priced under $12) and email your receipt to swagbag@lisadaily.com, you will get loads of free bonus products…check it out: www.lisadaily.com/swagbag

Have a great day today and a wonderful Valentine’s.  Regardless of your situation, remember to appreciate and love yourself tomorrow and every day…that is truly the key to fulfillment in dating, relationships, and life!

With Appreciation,

Mike

www.Mike-Robbins.com

A few months ago when asked about her new role as First Lady, Michelle Obama called herself the “Mom-in-Chief.”  First of all, I am huge Michelle Obama fan.  Second of all, I thought this was a great title for her and I’ve appreciated much of what she has said on the campaign trail and since becoming the First Lady about the challenges and responsibilities of working mothers throughout our country and our world.

Coincidentally, I recently met a wonderful author named Jamie Woolf whose new book just came out and is entitled, Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom from the Workplace Can Save Your Family from Chaos

In this one-of-a-kind book, Jamie, who is also a Working Mother magazine contributor and executive consultant, shows how the skills working moms learn at the office, like leadership and team building, can work at home with their children and families. With the wisdom and wry humor of a working mom “who’s been there and done that,” Woolf shows how any woman can fulfill her parenting potential and navigate the daily challenges on the home front with skill and grace.

Mom-in-Chief is filled with real-life stories, in-the-trenches strategies, and interactive assessment tools that clearly show how proven workplace techniques can increase your family’s bottom line for happiness. Drawing from her two decades of experience, Jamie offers her “best practices” that will help you improve your communication, create a healthy family culture, discover your parent leadership style, manage crises, and thrive during your child’s adolescence.

Whether you were or still are a working mom, plan to be one someday, or are married to one, I think you’ll enjoy this wonderful book and learn a lot from it.  For more information, check out http://www.mominchief.com/index2.htm

Have a good one!

With Appreciation,

Mike

www.Mike-Robbins.com

For some additional ideas and specific tips about how to become even more hopeful and optimistic, check out this week’s audio clip.

To download this audio as an MP3 file, right click here and select “Save Target As” to begin download.

With Appreciation,

Mike
www.Mike-Robbins.com

As someone who is very interested in current events, politics, sports, and more - I pay a lot of attention to the news (sometimes more than is probably healthy for me). I read newspapers, check the Internet, watch TV, and listen to the radio. With all of this news and information, I am often struck by how little of it is “good news,” especially these days.

While there is probably a certain amount of negative stuff that is important for us to know about, if we spend time checking in with most of the “mainstream” press, it’s easy to get the impression that life is really scary, negative, and that there are lots of terrible things are happening all over the place.

In recent months with all that is happening around the world and in our economy, there have been some genuinely negative things happening. These things do have real impact on real people – and on many of us personally. However, what about all the good news? There are literally billions of positive things happening all over the planet at this moment…most of them we will never hear about or know about. Think of how much good stuff goes unnoticed, unacknowledged, and un-communicated even in our own personal lives on a regular basis.

What has been happening in our country, our culture, and our world is a reflection of what is going on within each of us. We can get caught up in the “doom and gloom” of the moment, obsess about all of the issues and challenges facing us today, and allow the bad news coming at us from every angle get to us on a personal level…or we can choose something else.

While I am not advocating that we bury our heads in the sand, pretend everything is “fine,” and just ignore what’s happening…I do believe that now more than ever, we must be conscious about what we watch, read, and listen to. Nobody forces us to read the paper or the Internet, turn on the TV or radio, or get caught up in the mass hysteria of how “awful” things are. We each do that in our own personal way.

Here are a few things you can do to focus on more good news and not let the negative news get to you so much:

1) Limit the amount of news you consume. If you’re honest about it, you don’t need to watch, read, or listen to as much as you do in order to stay informed. If this is an issue for you, create a specific time limit per day and have others in your life support you and hold you accountable.

2) Choose news sources that you respect and at some level make you feel good. In other words, notice how you feel personally and emotionally when you watch a particular news show, listen to a someone on the radio, or read a newspaper, magazine, or website. If you notice that after watching, listening, or reading you don’t feel so good – maybe you can find another source for your news. This is about honoring yourself!

3) Seek out good news. Whether it’s in the media or in your life personally, now more than ever we must look for and find things to be grateful for, happy about, and excited about. There’s lots of good news out there; it’s up to us to find the good stuff and also to talk about it to others.

What are you doing or will you do to focus on more good news these days?
Share your thoughts on my blog here.

Cheryl Richardson shared a great thought in one of her recent newsletters. See below. To learn more about Cheryl, join her online community, access tools, resources, and inspiration to live a great life… visit www.cherylrichardson.com.

A Fun Way to Share Some Joy
No More Gift Buying

“When you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively. Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor.”
–Norman Vincent Peale

‘Tis the season for gift buying and yet, this year’s financial challenges make shopping more stressful than ever. This week, I wanted to focus on the kind of gift that could really make a difference in someone’s life - a gift that not only brings joy after the holidays have passed, but also gives you an opportunity to strengthen a relationship with someone you love. It’s the gift of your time and talent.

Right now, in this very moment, there’s someone you care about who is burdened by a project they feel unequipped to handle - something you do well. Think about it. Is there a family member who has trouble getting organized, a sister who would love help with holiday decorating, or a friend who needs curtains for his new apartment? This year, instead of spending money on gifts, why not offer to help out? Here’s a fun, new approach:

1. Make a list of five people you intend to buy gifts for.
2. Schedule a time to call each one.
3. When you do, say something like:

“Hey Maggie, I know we all have a project or task hanging over our heads that we keep meaning to get done. This year, rather than buy you a gift, I thought I’d offer my time and talent to help you get a project completed. If you’re willing, why don’t you spend some time this week thinking about something we could do together, and when I call you back next Monday, let me know what you’ve come up with and we’ll schedule a date. How does that sound?”

4. Follow up with a call and, if the person agrees, schedule a date to work on the project together.

There are several benefits to giving this kind of gift. First, you relieve a loved one of the emotional stress that comes from procrastination. Second, you give this person an on-going reminder of how much you care. After all, if you help a friend organize a kitchen closet, he or she will think of you and feel loved every time they open the door. Third, giving the gift of our time adds less “stuff” to the planet. And finally, sharing your talent gives you a chance to spend meaningful time together.

So, this week, consider a new tradition. Just imagine how life would be different if everyone helped each other in this way! Now, let’s see. I still have boxes that need to be unpacked, a pantry that needs to be organized, and pictures that need to be hung on a wall. Hmmm….

Take Action Challenge
Do something different this holiday season. Give your time, talent, and love to someone who matters. Think about what you love to do, then find someone to share it with. Who knows? It might just turn out to be the best holiday ever!

Today, of course, is election day here in the United States. In what has been the longest and most interesting campaign season in my lifetime, I think our country is both ready for change and also ready for this whole thing to finally be over. Regardless of who or what you plan to vote for, make sure you get out and vote today and encourage everyone you know to do the same – regardless of how long the lines are, what the weather is like, or anything else.

We are so blessed in our country to have the right and the freedom to express ourselves and vote for the people and issues we care about. I consider voting to be a sacred act and one we can each do in a conscious, deliberate, and grateful way. If you’re not exactly sure where to go or need any information about voting in your area, click on this link: www.votesmart.org/index.htm

And, if you’re interested in reading about why I am voting for Barack Obama, click on this link.

Have a fantastic day! What an honor and blessing it is to live in the United States. I’m grateful for our right to vote.

With Appreciation,

Mike
www.Mike-Robbins.com

Many of us are really easy to offend. We get offended by what people say, things on TV, opposing political opinions (especially these days), noise, music, traffic, weather, our family, different view points, and so much more. Most of us are convinced that we are right and that people who don’t see it our way are wrong, or at least “misguided.

While I often aspire to be as open minded, accepting, and easy-going as possible, the truth is that I can get as easily offended as anyone I know. Many of my opinions about life, others, and “the way things should be” are incredibly self-righteous. Can you relate?

However, what if we became really hard to offend. This is not to say that we abandon our values or opinions, it’s more about choosing to allow other people and things be as they are. We take so many things personally that have nothing to do with us. The more we react to something, the less freedom and peace we have. When I get really “triggered” by someone or something, if I make it all about the other person or the thing I’m focusing on, I usually miss the real gift, the lesson, and the point (i.e. the shadow or mirror that this negative thing is showing me about myself and life).

Here are a few things we can do to become harder to offend:

1) Remember that it’s not all about you. Even though it may seem like someone is being rude to us or something is happening directly to us, most of the time the things we take personally or get offended by have little or nothing to do with us.

2) Have compassion for others. While we don’t have to simply allow people treat us poorly or let them walk all over us, if we can have compassion for them instead of assuming they’re out to get us, it makes life more peaceful all the way around. Often when other people act in a way we find “offensive,” they are having a difficult time themselves.

3) Right or happy, you choose? As my friend and mentor Richard Carlson used to say, “In life, you have a choice – you can be right or you can be happy, not both.” What a great reminder. When we’re obsessed, as many of us are (myself included), about being right all the time – we are easily offended. When we let go of our need to be right, we have the space to be happy, peaceful, and joyful.

Today and the rest of this week – I challenge you to be really hard to offend. See what happens, how it feels, and the impact it has on you and those around you. While it can be challenging at first, it will make a big difference in the quality of your life.

Share Your Thoughts / Feedback on this article here.

For some additional ideas and specific tips about how to become harder to offend, check out this week’s audio clip.

With Appreciation,
-Mike
www.Mike-Robbins.com

Recently I’ve noticed that it has been challenging for me and many people I talk to and work with to stay positive. With the volatility of the economy, the negativity of the upcoming election, and fear of the unknown, it seems easy to get stuck in the “doom and gloom” of the world around us.

At this moment, even though it may be difficult, it’s important that we stay positive for the well being of our families, companies, relationships, communities, and especially for our own peace of mind. But, given all that has been going on recently, how can we stay positive genuine way?

While there’s no “quick fix” and we want to make sure we’re not avoiding what’s going on around us and within us, there are three things I believe we can do to help us stay positive in the mist of this current adversity, and adversity in general.

1) Be Honest – Whenever we’re facing challenges, obstacles, or “difficult” circumstances, it’s important for us to be honest about how we truly feel. The most common feelings that we experience at these times are anger, fear, and shame. We get angry that something “bad” has happened or because we feel powerless. We get scared that it may get worse or that other people or circumstances may continue to perpetuate the issue in a way we can’t control. And, we feel shame that maybe we did something “wrong” or could have done something to avoid the situation all together. These three emotions are ones we often don’t like to admit or express. However, like all emotions, when we acknowledge them, own them, and express them – they have a way of dissipating and in the process we can free ourselves from their negative impact.

2) Be Conscious – Pay attention to what you’re feeling, how you’re thinking, what you’re saying, and the actions you’re taking. Without judgment, see if you can be very aware of everything that is going on within you and how you’re reacting to what’s happening. In the midst of stress and adversity we have a tendency to think, say, and do things that don’t actually make things better and in many cases we make things worse. We complain, we worry, we speak negatively about life, others, and ourselves, we watch too much TV, we over eat, we drink too much, or we do various other things in an unconscious way that don’t serve us. The more conscious we can be about our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions – the more likely we are to stay positive and to move through the adversity in a way that we can actually learn and grow from, not just survive.

3) Be Grateful – Although it’s often counter-intuitive to be grateful in the face of adversity, it’s often the most important time for us to focus on what we appreciate – about ourselves, others, and life in general. Even and especially when things go “bad,” we’re often given an opportunity to take inventory of the good stuff in our life that we may not have been paying attention to as we were rushing our way through things. Take some time right now to think about some of the things you’re grateful for. Adversity can remind us that while things may be tough, we have so many blessings – health, a job, a place to live, people who love us, and much more. And, there are also many things we can appreciate about the difficulty itself – we may realize we’re stronger than we thought we were, we have more support around us than we knew, or we’re able to learn some important lessons about ourselves and life. There is always a lot for us to be grateful for, if we choose to pay attention. We can’t feel grateful and victimized at the same time!

Without trivializing the impact of current state of the economy or other things going on around you, it is possible for each of us to remain open, optimistic, and positive in the face of any and all adversity or uncertainty. This doesn’t mean we’re somehow super human or always happy. It does mean, however, that we choose to be honest, conscious, and grateful in the midst of what’s going on. And, if we choose to do so, we can have this be a time of reflection, rejuvenation, and transformation for us and those around us.

Be kind to yourself and see if you can be present in as many moments as possible. And, it’s important that we always remember, “this too, shall pass.

Share your thoughts and feedback on this article here.

With Appreciation,

Mike | www.Mike-Robbins.com  

How well do you listen to the people around you? For many of us, myself included, listening can be challenging at times. We’re often busy, focused on ourselves and what we want to say, evaluating the person speaking and what they’re saying, distracted with all the other things we think we “should” be doing instead of listening to them, and more. With this and others things getting in our way, it’s amazing that we ever hear anything that anyone says at all.

However, listening is not only the most important aspect of communication – it can make or break our relationships. Our ability to appreciate, respond to, and empower others is based on our ability to listen to them in an empowering and open way.

There are three levels of listening and some important things we can do to become more effective in our ability to listen to others:

1) Be Present – Give the person your full attention (stop typing, watching TV, or doing anything else). Multi-tasking doesn’t work when you’re listening to others. When we’re present, we’re able to actually hear what they’re saying, get the information, and pay attention to them in a way that has them feel acknowledged and important.

2) Make an Emotional Connection – Once we’re present and actually hear what they’re saying, we have the ability to listen between the words. This allows us to hear and feel what they truly mean, understand where they’re coming from, and know what they want. When we connect with the person emotionally, it’s much easier to resolve a conflict, understand them, or figure out how to support them.

3) Listen in an Empowering Way – Pay attention to the opinion you have about the person or what they’re saying. If your opinion is empowering (i.e. positive), great. If not, see if you can “upgrade” it (i.e. find the good stuff). This is not about agreeing with or liking everyone, it’s about taking responsibility for our judgments and realizing that our opinions color what we hear and how we hear it. It’s difficult to have an empowering or positive conversation with someone whom we judge in a negative way. It may take some work on our part to find the good stuff or work through our issues with the person, but if we’re committed to having healthy communications and relationships, identifying our judgments and doing whatever we can to move through them will allow us to listen to others in an empowering way.

When we’re able to do the internal work it takes to become a better listener (slow down, pay attention, be present, connect with people, be honest, let go of our self righteous judgments, and more) we can enhance our relationships in a profound way.

With the rushed and judgmental nature of life, business, and culture today, being someone who has the ability to really listen to others is such a vital skill and such a blessing to all of those around you. It’s not always easy, it takes some practice and humility, and is an on-going, moment-by-moment phenomenon. However, listening to others can allow for so many positive things:

- Improved communication
- Resolved conflicts
- Deeper connections
- Greater appreciation
- Enhanced understanding
- Increased learning
- Profound awareness

Have fun with it as you practice. See if you can put some attention today and the rest of this week on taking time to really listen to the people around you. I bet they will love it and you’ll be amazed at what happens.

Share Your Thoughts / Feedback on this article here.

For some additional ideas and specific tips, check out this week’s audio tip.

Forward this to a friend with the “Share This” link below.

With Appreciation,
-Mike | www.Mike-Robbins.com