Here’s a link to this week’s audio tip entitled “Stop Apologizing For Yourself” Click on this link to hear this week’s message (make sure your sound is on or you plug in your head phones to your computer). Enjoy!

To download this audio as an MP3 file, right click here and select “Save Target As” to begin download.

With Appreciation,

Mike
www.Mike-Robbins.com

For this week’s audio message, click here.

Apologizing can be a bit tricky for me.  While I pride myself on being someone who is able to look within, take responsibility, and resolve conflicts directly - I also know that my own arrogance and insecurity cause me to sometimes stubbornly refuse to apologize or, often more damaging, over apologize, which can include apologizing for who I am.

Being able to take responsibility for our impact on others, acknowledge and own our mistakes and shortcomings, and restore trust and connection with the people around us (i.e. what authentic apologizing is all about) are essential aspects of living a fulfilled life and creating healthy relationships.

However, many of us devalue, disrespect, and do harm to ourselves and those around us, by apologizing for who we are in a shame-based way – which usually comes from a place of shame (feeling as though we’re not good enough or there’s something inherently wrong with us).

Apologizing authentically is about taking responsibility for our actions, our impact, or our results, as an adult.  This is called remorse - wishing we hadn’t done or said something, and taking actions to address and rectify the situation within ourselves, with others, or both.

Apologizing for who we are is often about us thinking or saying some version of, “I’m bad, it’s my fault, or don’t hate me,” as if we’re a child looking for validation or approval. This is a specific example of how shame shows up in our lives. And, no matter how much we might “apologize,” when it comes from this insatiable, shame-based place, we’re never able to shake the feeling of something being wrong with who we are.

The more we notice that we’re apologizing for who we are, the more opportunity we have to look deeper - acknowledge, feel, and express our shame, and in the process begin to heal ourselves in a real way.

While we all have “issues,” “flaws,” and “challenges” in life - at the deepest level, there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of us.  Most of us, myself included, spend and waste way too much time judging, criticizing, and being mean to ourselves.

Treating ourselves in this critical way never works - it doesn’t help us become better people, it doesn’t give us access to more love, power, or talent, it doesn’t make us more available for those around us who we want to support - it simply keeps us stuck in a negative story about who we think we are and what we think needs to be “fixed” about us so we can then live the life we truly want to live.

What if we stopped doing this to ourselves, stopped apologizing for who we are, and started honoring, valuing, and loving ourselves in an authentic way?

Do you catch yourself apologizing for who you are?  How can you stop doing this in a way that honors who you are and impacts your life in a positive way? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

For this week’s audio message, click here.

Recently someone said to me, “Mike, I read the best book of my life a few years ago.  It only had four words in it, ‘want what you have’.”

As simple of a concept as this is, I was struck by its wisdom and began to think about it in my own life.  Sadly, as I thought about it more deeply, I realized that I put more of my attention and energy than I’d like to admit on either wanting things I don’t yet have or thinking that some of what I have isn’t quite good enough the way it is.  Can you relate?

How much of what you have in your life do you truly want (i.e. desire and choose)?  How much time and energy do you spend wishing things were different, or that you had a little more of this and a little less of that?

Most of us, even those of us who “know better,” spend and waste a lot of time thinking that things will be better when…we lose weight, get promoted, move into a nicer place, make more money, get married, have children, get out of debt, have more free time, start our own business, get the kids out of the house, retire, recover from a specific injury, illness, or setback, or whatever else it is we think needs to change in order for us to be happy and fulfilled.

While the circumstances of our lives - both “positive” and “negative” - do have an impact on us, the truth is that we always have a choice about how we relate to our circumstances and to ourselves in the process.  A great job, big house, large amount of money, fit body, incredible relationship, or anything else we say we want, can’t and won’t make us happy if we don’t choose to be.

In other words, to create an authentic sense of fulfillment in life, we have to learn how to want what we already have in our lives with gratitude.  One of my favorite and oft-used quotes is from author and teacher Byron Katie.  She says, “When you argue with reality, you lose, but only one hundred percent of the time.”

Wanting what we have doesn’t mean everything is “perfect” in our lives, which is almost never the case, or that we can’t desire for things to change or evolve in a way we deem positive.  It simply means we choose to accept what we have in our life, right now, with a sense of gratitude and surrender.

Surrendering is not about complacency, weakness, or giving up - it’s about learning to make peace with life as it is.  It’s important for us to remember that the passion, joy, and fulfillment we experience doesn’t come from life itself, it comes from us and our ability to accept, appreciate, and celebrate what we have in our lives.

Here are some great questions to ask yourself when dealing with some of the most difficult and challenging aspects of your life (i.e. the stuff you say you don’t want):

• What good is here that I’m currently not seeing?

• What is this situation teaching me that I’m grateful for?

• Why is this happening for (not to) me?

• What would it look like if I surrendered to this instead of fighting against it?

• What aspect of myself can I appreciate more deeply as a way of loosening the grip of this issue in my life?

By asking and answering these questions (and others like it), you’ll give yourself an opportunity to look more deeply at some of the challenges in your life, realize that these things are here to instigate growth and expansion, and remind you that you have the ability to choose them consciously - which can take away much of the suffering you may currently experience.

By putting more of our attention on wanting what we already have, and less attention on fixing things or wanting what we don’t yet have, we can create a deep sense of peace and joy in our lives, our work, and our relationships, which, more than most specific outcomes or material possessions, is what most of us truly want anyway.

Do you want what you have? Where would focusing more on wanting what you have (and less on having things be different) make a positive impact on your life?  Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

Here’s a link to this week’s audio tip entitled “Want What You Have” Click on this link to hear this week’s message (make sure your sound is on or you plug in your head phones to your computer). Enjoy!

To download this audio as an MP3 file, right click here and select “Save Target As” to begin download.

With Appreciation,

Mike
www.Mike-Robbins.com

For this week’s audio message, click here.

Vulnerable and leadership are not usually two words or concepts we put together. Most of us, myself included, have been taught that to be a “good leader” we have to be strong, convicted, and confident. “Never let ‘em see you sweat,” we’ve been told.

However, I believe it’s time for those of us who want to inspire, motivate, and lead others to step into our role as a leader with transparency, honesty, and vulnerability. As Mother Teresa said, “Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.”

Some of us have specific leadership roles in life - we manage other people in our job, we’re the head of a company, team, committee, or organization, we’re involved in school or community activities where our job is to lead others, we write, speak, or coach other people about taking their lives to the next level, and much more.

And, even if we don’t hold a specific position of leadership in what we do, just about all of us have the opportunity to be leaders in various ways. In our families, with our friends, in our community, and in our work - we have the ability to influence others in a positive way and many of us have a deep desire to impact those around us.

What if instead of obsessing about being smart, qualified, strong, powerful, innovative, creative, and other conventional leadership qualities - we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable as a way of freeing us up from the intense pressure we often feel as leaders and as a way to influence people in an authentic way.

While it may seem counter-intuitive and can sometimes be a little scary, being a vulnerable leader is what I think is needed (and often missing) in our businesses, schools, churches, communities, governments, and our world today.

Here are some key principles of vulnerable leadership:

1) Admit and own your mistakes - We all make mistakes, especially as leaders. The more willing we are to admit and own our mistakes (not make excuses, point fingers, or avoid responsibility) the more others will trust us and want to follow our lead. Taking responsibility, apologizing, and making amends for the mistakes we make are not always easy things to do, but they’re essential for us to have true credibility with the people around us.

2) Share your fear and insecurity - Fear and insecurity are inseparable from being human and being a leader. We all get scared, but too often deny or avoid it, so as not to look weak. However, admitting our fear and sharing it with others does a few important things. First of all, it can free us up from the fear itself. Second of all, it allows others to realize we’re human. Third, it gives the people around us permission to feel and express their own fear, which is essential for individuals and groups if they’re going to come together and move through adversity. Sharing our fears with others is not something we do to make excuses or to dump our “stuff” onto other people, it’s a bold act of vulnerable leadership and something that can have a profound impact on those around us.

3) Don’t take yourself too seriously - It’s important for us to have a sense of humor and not get too full of ourselves, which is something many of us do, particularly as a leader. As I jokingly say to my wife Michelle sometimes, “Do you have any idea how important I think I am?” We must laugh at ourselves, notice when we get too serious, and have enough self awareness to keep things in a healthy perspective.

4) Share your own process, journey, and challenges - We’re always going through a process of growth, discovery, and challenge in life - especially as leaders. This process doesn’t have to be difficult or painful, although sometimes it can be. The more transparent we are about our own process and the more willing we are to let the people around us know what we’re dealing with, learning, and challenged by - the more we let them know who we truly are, give them insight into how we operate, and create an environment around us that is open, authentic, and conducive for individual and collective growth.

5) Ask for and receive help from others - As leaders most of us like to help others, but often we have a difficult time asking for and receiving help. Requesting help can be perceived, especially by us, as an admission of weakness or an acknowledgment that we’re not capable of doing something. However, all of us need help and support - and in some cases, we need a lot of it. Being the kind of leader who is comfortable enough with yourself and the people around you to admit when you don’t know something, can’t do something, or simply need help in making something happen, is not a sign of weakness; it’s both a sign of strength and an opportunity to empower others in an authentic way.

How willing are you to be vulnerable in your life? Where can you expand your capacity for vulnerability, especially as a leader? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

Here’s a link to this week’s audio tip entitled “Vulnerable Leadership” Click on this link to hear this week’s message (make sure your sound is on or you plug in your head phones to your computer). Enjoy!

To download this audio as an MP3 file, right click here and select “Save Target As” to begin download.

With Appreciation,

Mike
www.Mike-Robbins.com

For this week’s audio message, click here.

How often to you feel like a victim? If you’re anything like me, probably more often than you’d like to admit. Although I usually pretend to be too “evolved” to play the role of victim in my life, I do catch myself at times feeling, thinking, and talking in that old, familiar, “oh poor me” kind of way. Can you relate?

I remember one of my mentors telling me years ago, “Mike, you can’t simultaneously be grateful and victimized.”

The more I reflect on this piece of profound wisdom, the more I realize how true it is. Whenever I find myself feeling as though “It’s not fair,” or wondering “Why is this happening to me?” - I notice that I’m not at all in touch with anything I’m grateful for in those moments. On the flip side, when I take the time to focus on what I appreciate about myself, those around me, my life, and/or life in general - it’s almost impossible for me to experience victimhood at the same time.

I got a wonderful email recently which exemplified this power of gratitude over victimization. Here’s the note (with permission from the man who sent it to me):

Hey Mike,

I just finished reading your book Focus on the Good Stuff and I had a breakthrough that I wanted to share with you.

I’ve never been a good sleeper. For the past 17 years I’ve had to medicate myself to fall asleep. On a good night I wake up once; on an average night, two maybe, three times. I’ve done all the things you’re supposed to do to encourage better sleeping habits. Some nights when I wake up after 3 AM, that’s it, I’m done. I can’t will myself back to sleep - my day starts at 5 AM with a morning trip to the gym - which then makes for a very long day.

Now for the good stuff…One night several weeks ago I lay awake in the middle of the night. I tossed and turned and started to fret about not being able to get back to sleep. On my night table I saw your book which I had been reading earlier in the evening and I reflected on a couple of themes - appreciate myself and be grateful - and I started to think about what those meant to me.

I lay there and made a mental list of all the things in my life that I was grateful for, and in no time at all I was fast asleep. No longer worried about what would happen if I woke up in the middle of the night, the next night when I awoke I made a mental list of all the things I appreciated about myself. It was easier than I thought and soon I was asleep with a smile on my face.

While I’m not quite ready to give up my sleeping pills yet, I’ve been able to shift my head space when I wake in the middle of the night. So my new approach is not to stress about why I’m not sleeping but to reflect on all the things that I’m grateful for or what I appreciate about myself.

Three weeks later, it’s been working like a charm - I’m sleeping better and I feel better in the morning.

I don’t know if I will be able to stop with the sleeping aid but waking up in the middle of the night is a whole lot more pleasant.

Sleeping easier…with gratitude,

Ian

What a great email, eh? Instead of feeling like a victim for his sleeping issue, Ian has chosen to use his wake-ups as an opportunity to practice being grateful. Not only is he deepening his capacity for gratitude and appreciation, but it sounds like he’s suffering and worrying a lot less, and ultimately sleeping better…how cool! Gratitude is powerful!

Here are a few things for you to think about and do, in order to expand your own capacity for gratitude in the face of situations, relationships, and circumstances which may have you currently feeling like a victim.

1) Notice where you feel victimized. Where do you feel like a victim in your life right now? Maybe you have a big issue or challenge related to your health, finances, work situation, love life, or family. Maybe there are some smaller “annoyances” in your life - sitting in traffic, waiting in line, dealing with difficult people, etc. - that leave you feeling a bit victimized. Take some honest inventory, without judgment, and notice where you go into victimhood yourself.

2) Ask yourself what you’re grateful for. Asking and answering the question, “What am I grateful for?” is one of the most powerful things we can do, especially when we’re dealing with a challenging situation. Remember, appreciating something or being grateful for it doesn’t necessarily mean you “like” or “agree” with it - it simply means you recognize the value of it. When we can acknowledge the value of something, even and especially when it’s painful or difficult, we take back our power from it and tap into some of its positive influence in our lives. Choosing to be grateful for the specific things we’re challenged by is one of the best ways we can transform these situations and our lives.

3) Think about, feel, and express what you’re grateful for. Gratitude is a wonderful concept and a transformative practice. Most of us know the importance of being grateful, but we can only benefit from it when we experience our gratitude. We can’t be grateful in theory (or in the past or the future), we can only be grateful NOW. Whether we choose to find the silver lining in difficult circumstances, use the situation (as Ian did) as a opportunity to focus on some of the things we appreciate about life, or simply remember to focus on what we’re grateful for at random times during the course of our day - gratitude is one of the most life-altering emotions we can tap into and experience as human beings. And, the great news is that we have access to gratitude any time we choose.

Where in your life are you feeling victimized? What can you find to be grateful for about that specific situation? How can you shift from victimization to gratitude in a way that will make a difference in your life? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

Here’s a link to this week’s audio tip entitled “Gratitude and Victimhood Can’t Coexist” Click on this link to hear this week’s message (make sure your sound is on or you plug in your head phones to your computer). Enjoy!

To download this audio as an MP3 file, right click here and select “Save Target As” to begin download.

With Appreciation,

Mike
www.Mike-Robbins.com

Here’s a link to this week’s audio tip entitled “Be Gentle with Yourself” Click on this link to hear this week’s message (make sure your sound is on or you plug in your head phones to your computer). Enjoy!

To download this audio as an MP3 file, right click here and select “Save Target As” to begin download.

With Appreciation,

Mike
www.Mike-Robbins.com

Here’s a link to this week’s audio tip entitled “Trust is Granted Not Earned” Click on this link to hear this week’s message (make sure your sound is on or you plug in your head phones to your computer). Enjoy!

To download this audio as an MP3 file, right click here and select “Save Target As” to begin download.

With Appreciation,

Mike
www.Mike-Robbins.com