August 11, 2009
In This Issue
Featured Article: Embracing Disappointment
Announcements
Speaking Schedule
Daddy's Little Girls
Welcome to this week’s issue of Appreciation (and Authenticity) in Action.
I hope you and those around you are having fun, being real, and appreciating the GREAT FULLNESS of life. There are so many opportunities for us to learn, grow, and expand – regardless of the circumstances of our lives.
I’ve been having so much fun at my recent speaking events and am grateful for the wonderful turnout and feedback. I’d love to see you at one of my upcoming public events (for more info scroll down or click here).
Thanks for being on my e-zine list! I’m grateful to connect with you this way each week. Have a good one!
With Gratitude,
Embracing Disappointment
How do you feel about being disappointed? How about disappointing others? Recently, I’ve been quite disappointed by some important people in my life and, in turn, they’ve been disappointed (and annoyed) with me. As I’ve been noticing my strong reaction to these situations, I realize how much of my life is focused on doing everything I can not to disappoint others, while at the same time protecting myself against being disappointed. Can you relate to this?
When we focus a lot of our attention on trying not to disappoint others or worrying that people will disappoint us, we set ourselves up for failure and pain. And, as I’ve seen recently, this makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to speak our truth, be ourselves, and live with a real sense of authenticity and peace.
What if we embraced disappointment instead of avoiding it? It’s inevitable that we will disappoint people, especially when we live our lives in an authentic way. Speaking up, going for the things that are important to us, and being true to ourselves are all things that at times won’t align with others and in some cases may even upset them. It is possible for us, however, to be mindful and aware of others, and still be true to ourselves – these things don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
Asking for what we want, counting on others, and trusting people – all of which are essential for healthy, fulfilling, and real relationships – do make us vulnerable to being disappointed and even hurt by the people in our lives. So what! We end up getting more hurt and disappointed in the long run by withholding our desires and expectations. We might as well live out loud and be honest about how we feel, what we want, and what’s important to us.
As Dr. Suess so brilliantly said, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Disappointment, as uncomfortable and even painful as it can be for me and many of us, is essential and important on our journey of growth, self discovery, and authenticity. Being okay with disappointing others allows us the freedom to be ourselves in a more real way. It also takes away the pressure and stress we often feel about always having to do, say, or be a certain way. Letting go of our fear of being disappointed by other people gives us the ability to take more risks and ask for what we truly want.
When we’re able to embrace disappointment, we create a sense of liberation and space that frees us up to be who we truly are and let go of our attachment and obsession with other people’s opinions. This is not easy, but is so powerful and can be transformational.
Here are a few things you can consider and do to expand your ability to embrace disappointment:
1) Take inventory of your life and relationships. Take an honest look at some of the most important relationships and activities in your life. How many of your actions, thoughts, conversations, and more (or lack thereof) have to do with your avoidance of disappointing others or being disappointed?
2) Be honest and take responsibility. As you notice areas, situations, and people in your life where a fear of disappointment is present, see if you can tell the truth about it in a vulnerable way to the people involved. You may say to a friend, “I really want to ask you for this favor, but I’m a little scared to do so because I’m worried you will say ‘no’ and then I’ll be disappointed,” (or something to that effect). Take responsibility for how you feel and remember that your issue with disappointment is all about you, not them.
3) Practice saying “no.” This is a great practice, especially for those of us “people pleasers” who find ourselves saying “yes” to stuff we don’t really want to do. While there is a great amount of value in being someone who is willing to say “yes” in life, there is also a great deal of power in owning our “no” as well. See if you can practice saying “no” to people, even if it’s scary or uncomfortable. Be real and vulnerable about it – with yourself and others. And, see if you can expand your capacity to decline requests of things you don’t want to do and make peace with yourself about it.
As you delve into this, be kind with yourself. This is a big one for me and so many people I know and work with. We all want to be loved, valued, and appreciated in our lives. And, most of us have had painful experiences of disappointment in the past, which have impacted us in a deep way. However, if we can alter our relationship to disappointment – we can transform our lives and our relationships in a wonderful way!
How do you feel about disappointing others or being disappointed? How can embracing disappointment (and not avoiding it) impact your life and relationships in a positive way? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog here.
I wasn’t able to do an audio message this week – I know that may be disappointing to some of you :) I am planning to do one again next week.
Great Book – Be The Hero You’ve Been Waiting For, by Rich and Yvonne Dutra-St. John
This new book, Be the Hero You’ve Been Waiting For, written by my dear friends and mentors Rich and Yvonne Dutra-St. John, the co-founders of Challenge Day, is a profound call to action for each of us to step up, be real, and express ourselves with love and passion in the world. It is also a bold and beautiful reminder that each of us makes a difference in the lives of those around us. Rich and Yvonne are two of the most incredible people I have ever met. Their work has impacted me, my life, my family, and my work in a deep way and I am eternally grateful to them. Your life will be transformed by reading this remarkable book written by two visionary, authentic, and extraordinary leaders who truly walk their talk! For more information and purchase copies of this life-altering book today, click here.
Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter
I’m really getting into Facebook and Twitter these days. If you’d like to keep up with me in this way, click one or both of these links:
Where I’m Speaking:
Below is a list of where and when I’m speaking for the next few months. Most of these events are for my corporate or organizational clients (i.e. not open to the public). The ones in bold, however, are public events. I hope to see you at one of these!
For all my upcoming public events, check out this link. And, if you live in any of the cities where I’ll be traveling and want to contact me about setting up a speaking engagement for your group or company while I’m in town, feel free to contact me.
8/28/09 – Walnut Creek, CA
8/30/09 – San Diego, CA
9/3/09 – San Rafael, CA (Cafe Gratitude)
9/8/09 – Lafayette, CA
9/10/09 – Concord, CA
9/12/09 – Petaluma, CA (ABWA Event)
9/13/09 – Walnut Creek, CA (Unity Center)
9/15/09 – Bozeman, MT
9/22/09 – Salt Lake City, UT
9/26/09 – Kansas City, MO
9/29/09 – Walnut Creek, CA
10/7/09 – San Jose, CA
10/9/09 – Palo Alto, CA (eWomen Network)
10/15/09 – Phoenix, AZ
10/16/09 – Phoenix, AZ
Again, for a full list of my upcoming public events, check out: http://www.beyourselfbook.com/events.htm.
“Not too much disappointment for us last week at Disneyland…well, except when we had to go home.”
~ Samantha and Annarose Robbins
(with Mommy, Daddy, and our new friends)
To see more photos of us and
our mommy and daddy, click here.
