August 19, 2009

In This Issue

Featured Article: Apologizing Authentically

Announcements

Speaking Schedule

Daddy's Little Girls

Welcome to this week’s issue of Appreciation (and Authenticity) in Action.

I hope life is good on your end – filled with fun, growth, awareness, gratitude, and peace.  We always have a choice about how we think, feel, and relate to life (even though it may not always seem that way).

I’ve been having a lot of fun with my events recently! For information about some of the exciting events that I have coming up, scroll down or click on my public events page, here.

Thanks for being on my email newsletter list!  Have a great day and rest of your week.

With Appreciation,

Apologizing Authentically

(For this week’s audio message, click here.)

Apologizing can be a tricky thing.  As essential and important as I know apologizing is to creating peace, reconciliation, trust, and connection in my relationships, sometimes I don’t want to do it or I do so in a completely inauthentic and manipulative way.

Recently, this has been in my face even more than normal.  I’ve noticed my tendency at times to over apologize, to do so with ulterior motives, or even worse I find myself apologizing for who I am in a way that is disrespectful and unkind to myself.  None of these really serve me or my relationships, nor are they very authentic.

What makes apologizing in an authentic way difficult or challenging for you?

For many of us, apologizing can seem scary, vulnerable, and even weak.  We worry that if we apologize somehow we’ll be admitting we’re wrong (and therefore the other person is right), that it might be used against us in some negative way, or at the very least we are giving up our position of power by apologizing or admitting any fault of our own.

All of these things make sense – based on our ego-based culture and our obsession with blaming others.  While understandable and normal, our inability or unwillingness to apologize in an authentic way causes a great deal of pain and conflict in our relationships.

The main reason that we aren’t often all that good or comfortable with authentic apologies is that we operate from a paradigm of shame instead of remorse.  Shame, which is a very powerful and oftentimes debilitating emotion (mostly because we don’t like to admit it, own it, or express it), is based on the notion that we are fundamentally flawed (i.e. “bad”).  When we relate to ourselves, others, and life from a perspective of shame, it’s always about someone being “right” and someone being “wrong.”  Based on this, we end up doing everything we can to protect ourselves from being blamed, while at the same time looking for where we can place our blame and avoid taking responsibility.  Sound familiar?

Remorse, on the other hand,is about us realizing that we’ve done or said something we wish we hadn’t.  This is not about beating ourselves up, making ourselves wrong, or even blaming ourselves...it’s about taking responsibility in an adult way.  When we have a sense of remorse, we can make amends with people in a genuine way, own our impact on others, and apologize without shame or guilt.

Regardless of how conscious, intentional, or deliberate we are in life – it’s inevitable that we will do and say things that in hindsight we regret...and we’ll hurt, upset, or offend the people in our lives from time to time.  These situations can be wonderful opportunities for us to grow, deepen our awareness of ourselves and others, and work through conflict in a way that brings us closer together with others and allows our relationships to be more real.  An essential piece in this process is our ability to apologize to others in an authentic way.

Here are a few things to think about and do so as to expand your capacity for authentic apologies:

1)  Tell the truth about how you relate to apologizing.  Ask yourself how you feel about apologizing and assess how authentic you are when apologizing to people?  Do you over apologize?  Do you refuse to apologize?  Do you do it just so people won’t be angry with you?  What is your relationship to apologizing and how free and genuine are you about it?  Answering these questions honestly to yourself will give you important insights into this.

2)  Look at your life and relationships and see where you can apologize.  Take some inventory of your life and relationships, especially where you have some conflict or lack of peace.  Where have you been unwilling to take responsibility or apologize in an authentic way?  Are you willing to do so for the sake of not only the relationship, but your own peace of mind?  As you think about doing this, ask yourself how you can apologize in an authentic way (not simply to get what you want)?

3)  Alter your relationship to apologizing.  As you tell the truth about how you relate to apologizing and look into your life and relationships to see where some apologies may be missing, how can you shift the way you relate to apologizing so that you’re empowered and inspired to do so (not avoidant or manipulative about it)?  By changing the way you relate to apologies, you can gain more freedom, comfort, and ease.

This is something that may seem somewhat simple or not all that important on the surface, but it is fundamental to our fulfillment in life and is quite “big” as we take a deeper look at it.  The more conscious and aware we are about this, the more growth and transformation can take place.  Be kind to yourself, this is not something that comes easy to most of us.  But, when we’re willing to really take this on and alter our relationship to apologizing, our relationships and our lives can transform in a profound and positive way.

How do you feel about apologizing?  Who do you need to apologize to?  How can you apologize in a more authentic way?  Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog here.



For this week’s audio message (including additional tips and suggestions) – click here.

Agape & Michael Bernard Beckwith

As you may know, in general and from previous things I have written in my newsletters, the Agape International Spiritual Center in Culver City, CA is one of the most extraordinary places on the planet.  And, the founder and spiritual director, Rev. Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith, is an incredible thought leader, spiritual teacher, and humanitarian.  I am blown away by the incredible work of Agape and Michael Beckwith and wanted to let you know about a few opportunities that you can take advantage of:

1)  Michael Beckwith PBS Special Taping in LA – 8/20
Tomorrow night (Thursday, 8/20), Michael Beckwith, along with many others from the Agape community and the entertainment industry, will be taping a powerful PBS special in Los Angeles (which will air on PBS across the country this fall).  There are two tapings – 7:00 and 9:30 PM – taking place in Los Angeles and tickets are still available for these tapings.  I’m honored and excited that I will be there myself. If you’d like to come and be a part of this exciting event, click here.

2)  Spiritual Liberation, the movie
Michael Beckwith’s award winning book, Spiritual Liberation, inspired a documentary
film, with the same title, about him, his life, his work, and the powerful work of the Agape International Spiritual Center.  For more information about this great film and to receive a free DVD copy of it by signing up for a free trial of Spiritual Cinema Circle, click on this link.

3)  Experience Agape via live webcast  Starting in the next few weeks, Agape will be streaming their Wednesday night and Sunday morning services live on the web.  For those of us who don’t live in the LA area, this is very exciting.  For more information and to get a free account with Tiki Live (which will give you free access to the Agape webcasts) click here.

Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter
If you’d like to connect with me on Facebook or Twitter, click one or both of these links:

Where I’m Speaking:
Below is a list of where and when I’m speaking for the next few months. Most of these events are for my corporate or organizational clients (i.e. not open to the public). The ones in bold, however, are public events. I hope to see you at one of these!

For all my upcoming public events, check out this link. And, if you live in any of the cities where I’ll be traveling and want to contact me about setting up a speaking engagement for your group or company while I’m in town, feel free to contact me.


8/28/09 – Walnut Creek, CA

8/30/09 – San Diego, CA

9/3/09 – San Rafael, CA (Café Gratitude)

9/8/09 – Lafayette, CA

9/10/09 – Concord, CA

9/12/09 – Petaluma, CA (ABWA Event)

9/13/09 – Walnut Creek, CA (Unity Center)

9/15/09 – Bozeman, MT

9/22/09 – Salt Lake City, UT

9/26/09 – Kansas City, MO

9/29/09 – Walnut Creek, CA

10/7/09 – San Jose, CA

10/9/09 – Palo Alto, CA (eWomen Network)

10/15/09 – Phoenix, AZ

10/16/09 – Tempe, AZ (Changing Hands Bookstore)

10/18/09 – Phoenix, AZ (IONS)

Again, for a full list of my upcoming public events, check out: http://www.beyourselfbook.com/events.htm.

“We’re learning to apologize authentically...
we do it all the time.”
- Samantha and Annarose Robbins


To see more photos of us and
our mommy and daddy, click here.