January 19, 2010

In This Issue

Featured Article: The Triangle of Truth

Announcements

Daddy's Little Girls

Welcome to this week’s issue of Appreciation (and Authenticity) in Action.

I hope you’re doing well and taking time to appreciate all of the blessings in your life right now.  With what has happened in Haiti, each of us has the opportunity to both share our resources (money, energy, good will, positive thoughts, and more) with those in need and also to reflect on all that we have to be grateful for (which we often take for granted).

Last week’s article was all about loving our flaws.  I got lots of powerful feedback about this one, sounds like it really touched a nerve with many people.  If you didn’t get a chance to read it or want to check it out again, it was also re-published on the Huffington Post.

Have a great day and rest of your week!  Thanks for being on my list.

With Appreciation,



P.S. As you may notice, we made a few slight changes to the ezine template. My speaking schedule is now listed on the left hand navigational bar, along with a link to the weekly audio message, updated links to my website and buttons to connect with me on Facebook and Twitter.



The Triangle of Truth

(For this week’s audio message, click here.)

I have a love-hate relationship to conflict.  I love it when things “work out,” but hate it when they don’t.  My fear of things not working out, of people’s feelings getting hurt, or of me losing something important are usually high on my list of justifications for not saying certain things, not engaging in the conflict at all, or selling out on my deepest truth even in the midst of it.

However, as I look deeper at what my definition of “working out” really is, I realize that it’s often some version of things going my way or some compromise that leaves me feeling like I’m the “good guy” and that the person or people involved still like, appreciate, or approve of me.

Can you relate to this?  You may have a different version of this story, but most people I know and work with have a disempowered relationship to conflict and have come up with creative ways of avoiding it, not dealing with it, or manipulating themselves, others, or situations so as to not have to engage in conflict in a vulnerable way at all.  However, as we’ve all noticed – this doesn’t work or give us much power in our relationships or our lives, especially when it comes to conflict.

Recently, I had the opportunity to interview my good friend Lisa Earle McLeod on my radio show about her latest book called The Triangle of Truth.  Lisa, a speaker, consultant, and expert in conflict resolution, teaches through her new book and in her trainings that in every conflict there are really three sides to it (like a triangle) – my truth, your truth, and then the higher-level solution.  It’s not about “compromise” or “right vs. wrong” in most cases – it's about being willing to engage in conflict in such a way that we allow something bigger, better, and more inclusive to emerge.

As the famous quote from Albert Einstein reminds us, “We can’t solve the problems of today with the level of thinking that created them.”

In talking to Lisa about her book and the Triangle of Truth model that she teaches, I realized that my own fear of upsetting people or having them not like me, as well as my erroneous attachment to being “right” not only create more stress and separation in my relationships, they get in my way of engaging in healthy conflict, which thus robs me and those around me from coming up with higher level, more creative and inclusive solutions – which ultimately benefit all of us.

Here are the six principles Lisa teaches and how we can all use them to embrace conflict, resolve it easier, and come up with solutions that can serve everyone involved in the best way:

1)  Embrace AND – So often we get caught in “either/or” thinking which makes us and those around us crazy, is quite sophomoric and limiting by its nature, and doesn’t allow us to see or hear anything else than what we already “know” to be “true.”

2)  Make Peace with Ambiguity – Based on our own fear and because so many of us, myself included, like to be in control – we often resist uncertainty.  However, being comfortable with uncertainty and allowing ourselves to hang out in ambiguity gives us the openness, patience, and perspective necessary to allow creative solutions to emerge.

3)  Hold Space for Other Perspectives – When we’re able to listen to, understand, and appreciate where someone else is coming from (even and especially if we don’t agree with them) we allow the space for something new to arise.  It takes practice and trust to allow other people to share their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and perspectives with passion – and for us to just let them be.  However, when we allow other people the space to share openly, they often gives us that space in return and we can then find out we’re not always “on the other side” in the way we think we are.

4)  Seek Higher Ground – Because we often avoid conflict or even when we get into it try to get out of it as fast as possible, we sometimes rush to come up with “solutions” or “compromises” just to stop the conflict.  This compromising process often “works” on the surface, but doesn’t address the deeper issues and won’t give way to the higher level solutions.  It’s only when we’re open to and actively look for those higher level solutions that they begin to materialize.  This happens when we seek higher ground, instead of simply trying to “win” the argument or end it at all costs because we’re uncomfortable or scared.

5)  Discern Intent – With issues that mean the most to us or cut right the core of our most sacredly beliefs, we often have a hard time considering anything else than what we already believe to be true.  In this process, we often vilify those who don’t agree with us.  “Those people” – the ones who think differently than we do -become “them,” in a negative way.  When we look for and find the positive intention of others, even if we don’t see things the way they do, we can get to the core of what’s really true, not just what our ego wants to argue about.

6)  Elevate Others – This is all about raising the conversation in our heads, with the other people involved, and about the whole situation.  We can and do have impact on other people.  We’re able to elevate the conversation with others when we focus on being real and vulnerable (i.e. honest about how we really feel) and also focus on appreciating and empowering those we’re engaged with (i.e. acknowledging them and being grateful for who they are).  We can lift up the people around us and in the process lift ourselves up and create the higher level solutions we all truly want.

Resolving conflicts in an open, conscious, and positive way is a lot easier said than done.  And, when we remember these simple (but not always easy) principles, as well as the metaphor of the triangle (our truth, their truth, and the higher truth/solutions), we’re able to engage in conflict in a way that not only brings forth better and more inclusive solutions, but can actually create the kind of peace, growth, and harmony we really crave in our lives, relationships, families, communities, and workplaces!

How can you can you apply the “triangle of truth” model to your own life, work, and environment? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog here.

Telesummit – Mastering the Inner Game

There has never been a better time to launch your own business or dream - and there are inner forces that must be aligned with your creative essence to bring it to life. You cannot bring your vision to life if you're held back by limiting beliefs and a cacophony of negative inner voices. Let's face it, if your dream is big enough it's going to challenge you beyond your current capacity.  I’m excited to be a part of this exciting teleseminar series, Mastering the Inner Game, which already started (January 14th) and runs through January 27th (my session is on 1/21 at 1 PM PT).  You can still join! Each day during this series, Adela Rubio, a conscious business mentor and coach, will be interviewing authors and experts like Ariane de Bonvoisin, Eva Gregory, Mary Allen, me, and many others, about how to master your inner game and create the kind of success and fulfillment that you truly want in 2010 and beyond.  Reserve your free online pass now, by clicking here.

Telecourse – You Were Born Beautiful, with Sarah Maria

Do you relate to yourself as a beautiful and exquisite creation? Or do you relate to yourself as tired, worn-out, wrinkled, overweight, or somehow deficient in some way? Do you see your life as your beauty unfolding, or do you experience it as a struggle, a stress, a strain?  My friend Sarah Maria, author of  Love Your Body, Love Your Life and body image expert, is offering an exciting tele-course called "Your Were Born Beautiful" that is a bold invitation to help you see the beauty and perfection that is already inside of you in this very moment. It has been with you since the day you were born, and it will always be with you. I have done some coaching sessions myself with Sarah and had her as a guest on my radio show twice – she is amazing!  To register for Sarah Maria's upcoming tele-course, You Were Born Beautiful - Discover and Experience Your Inherent Perfection, click here.

Great New Book – The Triangle of Truth, by Lisa Earle McLeod

Albert Einstein used it to reconcile competing beliefs about science and religion, and Mary Kay made it a foundation of her business and created a cosmetics empire. It’s The Triangle of Truth - a concept that is both old and new, and it’s the secret to solving problems everywhere from the bedroom to the boardroom and beyond.  Drawing on wisdom from some of the world’s greatest thinkers, my friend, (and author and business consultant) Lisa Earle McLeod delivers a unique problem-solving model in her latest book that goes beyond either/or thinking, recasting the debate on everything from sex and politics to business and religion. A rare blend of personal insight, business wisdom, everyday spirituality and humor, The Triangle of Truth: The Surprisingly Simple Secret to Resolving Conflicts Large and Small, is a just-in-time read for anyone who is tired of arguments, angst, and stalemates and is ready for real solutions to every problem, large or small.  To purchase copies of this wonderful new book today, click here.

Listen to my interview with Lisa Earle McLeod

Last week I interviewed my friend and author/ speaker/ consultant Lisa Earle McLeod my radio show, “Let’s Get Real.”  Lisa is funny, insightful, and wise!  We talked about her new book, The Triangle of Truth, and more.  Our was thought-provoking and we looked at the nature of conflict in the workplace (and in our culture) and how we can create a real sense of peace and resolution, even for the most difficult conflicts.  To listen to our interview, click here (and then click on the link to the show with Lisa – recorded on January 15th – to download the MP3 of our interview for free).  My show airs on Energy Talk Radio daily at 7:00 AM ET and 5:00 PM PT (as well as each Friday at noon PT).  Check it out!

“We like triangles and truth.”
- Samantha and Annarose Robbins

To see more photos of us and
our mommy and daddy, click here.