July 22, 2010

In This Issue

Featured Article: Stop Apologizing For Who You Are

Announcements

Daddy's Little Girls

I hope life is wonderful on your end!

Last week's article, "Want What You Have," got some nice feedback - feel free to check it out on my blog or on The Huffington Post.

If you live here in the San Francisco Bay Area and you're a coach, speaker, or author (or would like to be), I'm speaking tonight (7/22 at 6:30 PM) at the Silicon Valley Coach Federation meeting in Santa Clara about book publishing and professional speaking.  You don't have to be a member of this group to attend.  For more info and to register, click here.

Have a good one.  Be kind to yourself and others!

With Gratitude,





Stop Apologizing For Who You Are

(For this week's audio message, click here.)

Apologizing can be a bit tricky for me.  While I pride myself on being someone who is able to look within, take responsibility, and resolve conflicts directly - I also know that my own arrogance and insecurity cause me to sometimes stubbornly refuse to apologize or, often more damaging, over apologize, which can include apologizing for who I am.

Being able to take responsibility for our impact on others, acknowledge and own our mistakes and shortcomings, and restore trust and connection with the people around us (i.e. what authentic apologizing is all about) are essential aspects of living a fulfilled life and creating healthy relationships.

However, many of us devalue, disrespect, and do harm to ourselves and those around us, by apologizing for who we are in a shame-based way – which usually comes from a place of shame (feeling as though we're not good enough or there's something inherently wrong with us).

Apologizing authentically is about taking responsibility for our actions, our impact, or our results, as an adult.  This is called remorse - wishing we hadn't done or said something, and taking actions to address and rectify the situation within ourselves, with others, or both.

Apologizing for who we are is often about us thinking or saying some version of, "I'm bad, it's my fault, or don't hate me," as if we're a child looking for validation or approval. This is a specific example of how shame shows up in our lives. And, no matter how much we might "apologize," when it comes from this insatiable, shame-based place, we're never able to shake the feeling of something being wrong with who we are.

The more we notice that we're apologizing for who we are, the more opportunity we have to look deeper - acknowledge, feel, and express our shame, and in the process begin to heal ourselves in a real way.

While we all have "issues," "flaws," and "challenges" in life - at the deepest level, there's nothing inherently wrong with any of us.  Most of us, myself included, spend and waste way too much time judging, criticizing, and being mean to ourselves.

Treating ourselves in this critical way never works - it doesn't help us become better people, it doesn't give us access to more love, power, or talent, it doesn't make us more available for those around us who we want to support - it simply keeps us stuck in a negative story about who we think we are and what we think needs to be "fixed" about us so we can then live the life we truly want to live.

What if we stopped doing this to ourselves, stopped apologizing for who we are, and started honoring, valuing, and loving ourselves in an authentic way?

Do you catch yourself apologizing for who you are?  How can you stop doing this in a way that honors who you are and impacts your life in a positive way?  Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog here.

To listen to this week's audio message, including additional thoughts, ideas, and tips, click here.




Jack Canfield Film - Up Close and Personal

Jack Canfield is America's #1 success coach, the co-author of the most successful book series in history, Chicken Soup for the Soul, and one of the stars of the film The Secret.  You can find out more about his life, journey, and how he got to be where he is today in this new original film, ENCOUNTERS: Portraits of Inspiring Lives.  In this up-close and personal film, Jack reveals little-known stories about his early childhood, lifelong dreams, and personal philosophy. Thanks to our friends at Spiritual Cinema Circle (SCC), you can receive this video of Jack Canfield, along with the feature film Broken Hill and two short films, for just a small shipping fee. To see the trailer and start your free SCC trial click here.

Great New Book - Nice Bike, by Mark Scharenbroich

My friend Mark Scharenbroich just recently released a new book called Nice Bike: Making Meaningful Connections on the Road of Life.  Mark is one of the most incredible speakers, motivators, and human beings I've ever met! His message, wisdom, and insight are both heartfelt and practical.  Nice Bike shows you how three powerful actions - acknowledging, honoring and connecting - can transform you and your team into a positive, productive and cohesive unit. When you embrace the message of Nice Bike, you're on the road to improving engagement, teamwork, and high performance - both personally and professionally.  And, if you want to see one of the funniest and most inspiring speakers on the planet - check out Mark's videos on his website and/or bring him in to speak at one of your upcoming meetings or events, he's extraordinary!  For more info about Mark, his new book, his speaking, and more, check out www.NiceBike.com.

If You Really Knew Me - A New MTV Series Tuesdays at 11 PM

If You Really Knew Me is a new reality series that premiered MTV earlier this week.  It airs every week at 11 PM on Tuesday nights (and then is replayed a number of times throughout the week).  The show takes place at a different high school each week, and follows five students from different cliques as they go through the life-changing experience of Challenge Day, a one-day, transformational program that breaks down the walls between cliques, and completely changes the way students view their school and each other. Michelle and I have been involved with Challenge Day for the past ten years and are passionate advocates for the miraculous work they do with teens, schools, and communities around the country.  This show is an opportunity to spread the love, awareness, and peace that Challenge Day creates to millions of people all over the world.  Tune in and catch the show...and, let others know about it.  For more information about the show, including a preview and more, click here.

"We try to never apologize for who we are!"
- Samantha and Annarose Robbins

To see more photos of us and
our mommy and daddy, click here.

And, if you’d like to see some new,
special photos of us, click here.