July 8, 2009

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In This Issue

Featured Article: The Elephant in the Room

Announcements

Speaking Schedule

Daddy's Little Girls

Welcome to this week’s issue of Appreciation (and Authenticity) in Action.

I hope you’re doing well and enjoying the summer months...so much to be grateful for about this time of year. I’m personally grateful for some of the exciting events I have coming later this month and this summer – here in the San Francisco area, in the Phoenix area (on 7/22), and the free teleseminar I’m doing on 7/28. For more specific info about these events and others, scroll down or click on my public events page, here. I hope you can join me for some of these.

Thanks for being on my email list. I’m honored to be able to connect with you like this each week!

With Appreciation,


P.S.  I was deeply moved by the memorial service of Michael Jackson yesterday.  For all of his personal issues and challenges, he was clearly one of the most extraordinary performers the world has ever seen.  His music has been a big part of my life and so many people’s lives.  “Man in the Mirror” is my favorite MJ song and is such a great message for us all to hear and live by.  To see a video of that incredible song, click here.


The Elephant in the Room

(For this week’s audio message, click here.)

Have you noticed that there’s often an “elephant in the room” and most of the time we don’t acknowledge it. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been fascinated with the things that people don’t say or are afraid to address or discuss. This is not to say that I have always been (or even now always am) someone who acknowledges the “elephant” myself. Like many people, I get scared to bring it up at times. However, when the elephant is brought up, by me or someone else, even if it’s a little awkward or uncomfortable at first, it always feels better and creates a sense of peace, liberation, and authenticity for everyone involved.

So why do we get so scared to talk about the elephant in the room? We worry that people will get offended or upset, that it will be too uncomfortable to deal with, or that somehow it will make things worse, not better. Underneath most of these and other concerns is a bigger and more selfish concern – we usually worry that people will get mad at us or not like us if we bring up something that seems “inappropriate.”

However, living a life of freedom, power, and authenticity is sometimes about doing and saying things that are uncomfortable – i.e. talking about the elephant in the room. And, being a leader, someone who makes a difference for others, and a person of real boldness requires us to step up and put ourselves out there. Our regrets in life usually have more to do with the things we don’t say and do, not the other way around.

A powerful technique we can use to expand our capacity to speak our truth and talk about “elephants” in a more effective and authentic way is one called “clearing withholds.” This technique which my wife Michelle and I originally learned from a coach years ago, is one that I detail in my new book Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken and have used for many years in workshops, meetings, coaching sessions, and in my own life (especially with Michelle).

A “withhold” is something you’ve been holding onto with another person (or group) that you haven’t shared with them – hurt, resentment, fear, an apology, opinion, an acknowledgement, an idea, or anything else (i.e. an “elephant”). Creating the time and space to communicate these “withholds” is an incredibly powerful and liberating thing to do, even though it can be a little scary. You can do it with your spouse, friends, family, co-workers, or anyone else. One person goes first and says to the other person (or to one specific person if you’re doing this in a group), “There’s something I’ve withheld from you.” The other person responds by saying, “Okay, would you like to tell me?” Then the first person expresses their “withhold” with as much honesty, vulnerability, and responsibility as possible (i.e. using “I” statements, owning their feelings, etc.). The other person’s job is to listen with as much openness as possible, not to react, and to just say “thank you” when the person is done.

It’s best to do this back and forth until both people (or everyone in the group) has shared all of their withholds. When you’re done, one or both of you may want to talk about some of the things that were said, but that isn’t always necessary. This is not about debate or someone being right or wrong, this is about being able to share how you’re feeling and what you’ve been withholding as a way to release it. At some level, each “withhold,” regardless of what it is, isn’t really about the other person anyway, it’s about you (or vice versa).

When we practice this technique (or some variation of it) and we encourage ourselves and those around us to pro-actively talk about the many elephants in the rooms of our lives, we create an environment of openness, trust, and authenticity – which is what all of us want.

Think about the important relationships, situations, and groups in your life. What elephants have you been avoiding? What would you say if you weren’t worried about what people would think or how they would react? See if you can challenge yourself today and this week to acknowledge some of those elephants...and see what happens!

How does this relate to you, your life, your relationships and more? Share your thoughts, action more on my blog here.

For some additional ideas and specific tips on self-trust, check out this week's audio clip.

New Book – What’s Your Body Telling You?, by Steve Sisgold
As you read What’s Your Body Telling You?, you will identify, release and change the subconscious beliefs that sabotage your happiness and success. You’ll learn to shift from confusion to clarity in an instant, becoming proactive and inspired in making important life decisions, and learn to communicate with far greater effectiveness and clarity in both your personal and professional lives. For more information about this important book and to learn about the bonus gifts from many authors, including me, that you can receive when you purchase copies today, click here.


Juicy Journaling with SARK



My good friend, bestselling author and artist SARK,  has just launched her newest eProgram, called   Juicy Journaling with SARK!  It’s a new journey through words, feelings, and fabulously juicy living, and I’m happy to share that I’m featured in the program as one of the contributors.    SARK designed this eProgram to inspire writers of any and all levels to go new places with words.  It’s overflowing with multi-media tools to unearth your writing voice and nourish your soul.  You can take a look at sample lessons, audio, and more, by clicking on this link.


Free Teleseminar with Me – July, 3:30 PM PT
I’m excited to invite you to my free teleseminar, “Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken – The Power of Authenticity” on Tuesday, July 28 th, at 3:30 PM PT. In this session I will explore why it can be challenging for us to be ourselves fully, and some of the key elements of living a life filled with authenticity, confidence, and freedom. I’ll share some of the main principles and practices from my new book, as well as some of what I’ve been learning, seeing, and hearing as I travel around the county and talk to different groups about this important topic. For more info about my teleseminar and about MaestroConference, the other teleseminars you can sign up for, and to register for free today, click here.


Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter
I’m really getting into Facebook and Twitter these days.  If you’d like to keep up with me in this way, click one or both of these links:

Where I’m Speaking:
Below is a list of where and when I’m speaking for the next few months. Most of these events are for my corporate or organizational clients (i.e. not open to the public). The ones in bold, however, are public events. I hope to see you at one of these!

For all my upcoming public events, check out this link. And, if you live in any of the cities where I’ll be traveling and want to contact me about setting up a speaking engagement for your group or company while I’m in town, feel free to contact me.

7/9/09 – Morgan Hill, CA (Morgan Hill Chamber)

7/15/09 – Mountain View, CA

7/22/09 – Tempe, AZ (Changing Hands Books)

7/28/09 – FREE Teleseminar (click here to register)

8/7/09 – Columbus, OH

8/9/09 – Oakland, CA (OCSL)

8/28/09 – Walnut Creek, CA

8/30/09 – San Diego, CA

9/10/09 – Concord, CA

9/12/09 – Petaluma, CA (ABWA Event)

9/13/09 – Walnut Creek, CA (Unity Center)

9/15/09 – Bozeman, MT

9/17/09 – San Jose, CA

9/22/09 – Salt Lake City, UT

9/26/09 – Kansas City, MO

Again, for a full list of my upcoming public events, check out: http://www.beyourselfbook.com/events.htm.

“We’re kids, so we’re good at saying things
honestly, even if we’re not supposed to (and
even though Rosie can’t talk yet).”

- Samantha and Annarose Robbins

To see more photos of us and
our mommy and daddy, click here.